Well, last January was a critical time, and here it is 9 months later, still critical, and nothing much to show for all that passage of time. My progress is so slow that it’s hard to notice if there is any. A few things are worth mentioning. But I am too tired to mention any save one at the moment.
Boyfriend is gone. Not gone from this earth, but gone to his mother’s. Yes, he has been living at his mother’s for the past 6 weeks, I think. I am losing track. I told him it was time to go. But for a relationship addict, it’s a two pronged fork, or whatever it is that does the jabbing. He feels hurt, but I hurt my own feelings too.
Some good things have happened since he left. Slowly, #4 and I are beginning to become closer and to enjoy our own special things to do and way of doing them. It is just the beginning, and holds lots of promise. More even than I thought.
#4 has seemed to be the one of my sons who is the most different from me. Sometimes it has been hard to figure out what we can do together that is truly inspiring for both of us. But now it seems like maybe all we have to do is get outside into nature and just hang out. The spirit of discovery begins to strike. The honey of Indian Summer days begins to seep through our seems, and we are transformed, individually and together. It is worth the effort, this time with my son. It is worth growing for, and doing things that are challenging.
But my days are way too solitary, and I need to do something about that. By the time #4 goes to bed, I seriously need some adult companionship and solace. But there is just me, my house, (mine for who knows how much longer) and the night. (Oh yes, and there is my dog too.)
I head for the computer, because of course it is the thread to the outside world where other people exist. But now melatonin, calming amino acids, and sleepy herb tea bags (and the fact that it is almost 2 AM) are beginning to kick in so I head for the bed.